Life’s passing by too fast, or so it seems. I complete 45 years in my present state of existence today. That’s more than three-fifths of the average life expectancy of an Indian male.
Now, while spiritualists would want me to believe that I have existed from anadi (before the beginning of cosmos) and will exist till ananta (infinity), I see forty-five years as a good enough time to find some meaning in one’s life. At least, my rapidly greying hair and receding hairline help me realize that.
Now, while it amazes me that I’ve been around that long — I feel like I’ve barely begun (except when I look at the actuarial table).
I’m not usually one to make a big deal about my birthday, but as always, it has given me an opportunity to reflect.
So, like I have done over the past few years –
– let me share the 45th lesson.
It is the art of embracing imperfection.
From a young age, I was bombarded with societal expectations and the pressure to fit into predefined molds. I was taught that success means perfection, that I should strive for a flawless life, a perfect body, and an impeccable career.
However, as I’ve journeyed through the decades, I’ve come to understand that true happiness lies in embracing the imperfections that make us uniquely human.
My journey towards embracing imperfection began in my early-thirties, a few years after I started my first job. Fresh out of MBA, I was eager to prove myself, to be the best at everything I did. I aimed for perfection in every task, often staying late at the office, sacrificing my health and personal life. I thought that if I could just be flawless in my work and earn good money, everything else would fall into place.
But life had other plans. I still remember that day, sometime in 2009, when I was rushing to meet a tight deadline late night at the office, I received a call that turned my world upside down.
Long story short, it was news of a close friend’s sudden passing due to heart attack. Like me, he was also at work when he died. He was also my age. His little daughter was also my daughter’s age.
That one event broke two things within me.
One was my heart for a dear friend lost, and the other my perfectionist aspirations, that suddenly seemed utterly meaningless. I realized that life was too short to be spent chasing unattainable ideals.
When I look back at that event and the person I was before that, it reminds me of the teachings of the ancient Stoic philosopher Seneca, who said, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
I had been suffering from the fear of failure and the desire for perfection, but in reality, it was the imperfections and unexpected events of life that held the most profound lessons.
That tragic event forced me to reevaluate my priorities. I started to question the relentless pursuit of perfection and began to see the beauty in life’s imperfections. I learned that it’s okay to make mistakes, stumble, and even fail because these experiences are essential to our growth.
As I progressed through my thirties, I faced many more challenges and setbacks. I had quit my job to start something of my own, and with no income during the first few months, there were challenges of facing down an emptying bank account. My son was born premature, and that took a heavy emotional and financial toll on the family.
However, when I look back in hindsight, each of those challenges brought with it a valuable lesson. I discovered that it’s during our weakest moments that we find our greatest strengths. It’s in our flaws that we discover our true selves.
In the words of the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle, “You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.”
I have learned that embracing our imperfections requires courage and the willingness to confront our vulnerabilities. It’s through these challenges that we develop resilience and discover our inner strength.
Philosophically, this lesson brought me closer to the concept of ‘Kintsugi,’ an ancient Japanese practice that beautifies broken pottery, thereby celebrating imperfection, transience, and the beauty of the imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete.
Kintsugi means, literally, ‘to join with gold.’ In Zen aesthetics, the broken pieces of a ceramic pot should be carefully picked up, reassembled, and then glued together with lacquer inflected with gold powder. The Japanese believe the golden cracks make the pieces even more valuable. It embraces the breakage as part of the object’s history, instead of something to be hidden or thrown away.
It is beautiful to think of kintsugi as a metaphor for life, and to see the difficult, broken, or painful parts of you as radiating light, gold, and beauty. It teaches that your broken places make you stronger and better than ever before. In fact, they make you antifragile. This is the opposite of what we are taught throughout life – that we are supposed to be perfect, and that we must hide any imperfections.
This belief is embedded in our culture: if something is broken, toss it out; if something is flawed, hide it. Kintsugi is the perfect metaphor for how we can find healing in our life that sometimes not only gets
cracked but broken apart.
It teaches us to appreciate the cracks in the pottery, the wrinkles on our faces, and the impermanence of all things. It reminds us that life’s beauty lies in its imperfections.
Embracing imperfection has not only improved my relationship with myself but also with others. I’ve learned to accept people as they are, flaws and all, and in turn, they’ve accepted me in my imperfect glory. This has enriched my life with meaningful connections and deeper, more genuine relationships.
Furthermore, I’ve come to appreciate the imperfections in my relationships and the world around me. The wrinkles on the faces of elders in my family, my disorganized desk, my physical flaws, intoversion, weathered pages of my beloved books, a few eccentric habits – these and others such imperfections in my life hold a unique charm that can’t be replicated in perfection.
In our fast-paced, digitally obsessed world, we often find ourselves chasing unattainable ideals of beauty, success, and happiness. We’re bombarded with images of intelligent investors, flawless celebrities, airbrushed models, and curated Instagram feeds. But let me tell you, real life is not filtered, edited, or photoshopped. Real life is beautifully messy and wonderfully imperfect.
Embracing imperfection doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity or complacency. It means striving for excellence while acknowledging that mistakes and setbacks are a natural part of the journey.
It means being kinder to yourself and practicing self-compassion. It means understanding that perfection is an illusion, and the pursuit of it can be a never-ending, exhausting endeavor.
Modern psychology also recognizes the importance of embracing imperfection for our mental and emotional well-being. Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, has extensively studied vulnerability and shame.
Her research has shown that embracing our imperfections, being vulnerable, and allowing ourselves to be seen “flawed and imperfect” are key factors in building genuine connections and finding true happiness.
Dr. Brown’s work aligns with the teachings of ancient philosophers who emphasized the importance of authenticity and self-acceptance. They suggested that when we are open about our imperfections and willing to share our struggles, we create deeper connections with others and experience a sense of liberation.
So, as I stand here at the threshold of my 46th year, I embrace my imperfections with open arms. I wear my scars, both physical and emotional, as badges of honor, reminders of the battles I’ve fought and the lessons I’ve learned. I celebrate the wrinkles that trace the map of my life’s journey and the grey hairs that whisper stories of wisdom.
My hope is that you, too, will embrace imperfection in your own life. Embrace the messiness of existence, the unpredictability of the future, and the uniqueness of your own path.
Remember that it’s okay to stumble, to fall, and to rise again. In our imperfections, we find our humanity, and in embracing them, we find our truest selves.
So, here’s to 45 years of life – imperfect, beautiful, and uniquely mine. And here’s to the countless lessons, both big and small, that have shaped me into the person I am today.
May we all continue to learn, grow, and celebrate the imperfect masterpiece that is life itself.
Thank you for reading.
Stay happy, healthy, and peaceful.
Stay imperfect.
Regards, Vishal
