People don’t really go around telling each other their faults. They see them, they just don’t usually share it. The fear of making the other person mad, losing a friend, the fear of the other person not understanding where they’re coming from, the fear of the other person attacking them back.
So people see the ways we don’t line up Biblically and keep their mouths shut. But to the person on FIRE for Christ, the person who is desperate to live a pleasing life to the Lord every second of every day, WANTS those around them to tell them where they can improve so they can become better Christians.
With everyone so silent, it’s hard to grow. So we walk around thinking we’re doing okay. We don’t grow and we become stagnant in our daily walks with Christ.
That’s definitely not something we want! So I developed this list to keep our minds and hearts in check, and to do a self-examination for spiritual growth. Bookmark this page and refer to it often. See where you’re at, work on the things you need to improve and become more godly faster!!
Remember, we ALL have blindspots, every one of us. It’s helpful to know what those are to improve our godliness for the Lord.
Self-Examination Spiritual Growth Checklist
Take one thing at a time, through prayer and self-examination and see if there’s any sin found in you in each area. If there is, repent of it and work on it to become better, every day. ❤️ Work your way down the list over time, TAKING YOUR TIME.
Remember that it’s not a race, it’s just about realizing how you’re sinning and how you can take action to become a better believer. 😊
1) Do you gossip?
You gossip…all the time! You crave attention and want others to listen to you and people’s ears seem to perk up when you talk about other people, so you do. It’s what gets you the attention. It’s what makes them listen to you. After a while though, people start to keep their distance from you. They wonder if you talk about THEM behind THEIR backs and so they begin to put distance in the relationship.
After some time, your friends leave, they stop talking to you and you have no idea why. You can’t figure it out and you scratch your head. You’re a nice person. What did you do wrong? You weren’t unkind to anyone. Not deceiving or hurting anyone. Why does everyone seem to leave?
Gossip can create distance in relationships and leave you feeling isolated. Recognizing this is the first step to nurturing meaningful connections and reflecting God’s love in your words.
How to fix: 1 Timothy 5:13 says that gossip is a result of being idle (ESV). You’re bored, you need things to do. You’re not serving like you should, working hard being the Proverbs 31 woman (Proverbs 31:17-19). Ask God how you can be used more for the kingdom. Whenever you’re tempted to gossip, tell it to God! He already knows it and then you get it out of your system, without hurting anyone at all, until you get into the habit of not gossiping.
2) Are you stingy?
Everything you have is yours, yours, yours. You’ve worked hard to have what you have, you’re not about to give it away to anyone else. You work off of a scarcity mentality that tells you something will happen, you’ll need that money, need that thing you hold onto dearly, but you never do. Because life is stable and God is good, it all just sits there, helping absolutely no one, yourself included.
How to fix: Learn how to balance giving and setting things/money aside for a rainy day. The Lord does not condemn us when we save and “fill our barn for the future” (Luke 12:16-21), but when we go out and build a new barn to hold MORE stuff, it’s excessive. Learn the balance of giving and being generous as well as keeping some aside for yourself if things do go awry.
3) Are you superficial?
You do so much and you look like such a great person. Everyone thinks you’re so sweet and kind and you try to be, but it’s all just on the outside. Your goal is to look good, and act sweet. You forget to work on the inside. You forget that’s what God cares about the most. You forget it’s not a show and you find pleasure in others thinking you’re so good.
How to fix: Realize that superficiality is fleeting and that it matters far more what God thinks of you than what others think of you. You’ll only look a certain way for a certain period of time, you’ll only have that for a little while. Sooner or later, people see through and it’s tiring to keep up appearances. What does the Bible say to focus on instead (Proverbs 31:30)?
4) Do you secretly think you’re better than everyone else?
Maybe you do and you don’t even realize it. Think about it for a minute…do you think you’re better than others around you? More godly? Better looking? Have things together in your life better than others? More stable? Better with time? Please God more? Have more knowledge in the Lord? Work harder for God than anyone else around you? And so on…
How to fix: Realize that you’re being just like the Pharisees in Jesus’ time. They were pompous and proud and had to have every detail run through them because it gave them a superiority complex. If you know more than some others or are more godly than the people around you, it’s only because God ALLOWED you to know it and He can take it all away in an instant too through a myriad of ways!
Ask God to show you 1-2 ways you’re sinning right now and focus on getting better at them. Do this routinely and you will quickly realize that the list is never-ending! We all fall short, but God’s grace meets us where we are. Let’s humbly seek His guidance to grow and become more like Him.
We all fall short, but God’s grace meets us where we are. Let’s humbly seek His guidance to grow and become more like Him. No one is better than anyone else. You may have more character traits or do something better than another, but we never compare ourselves to others, only GOD!
5) Are you overworked and burned out?
Have you tried to do so much, with good intentions, but superficial, keeping up with everyone/everything? You thought that if only you ran as hard as you can, you’d get ahead. Even in the service industry (ministry, etc.), we can oftentimes work so hard because the laborers are few. But this is not what God wants, and it only leads to getting burned out, quitting, and becoming bitter. You definitely don’t want that!!!
How to fix: You must stop competing with everyone and trying to carry everything yourself. Accept help, find help. Admit you’re NOTHING without Christ and that your strength comes from Him, not you.
You also need to rest, A-sap! Being burned out is NOT what Jesus wants us to do. Think about the Mary and Martha story in Luke 10:38-42. What does Jesus prefer us to do: overwork or listen at His feet to His words? Are you in the Word of God enough? Are you taking personal, alone time with Him enough? That requires a stillness, a quiet heart, and yes, rest.
Find things that help you to rest. For some, that’s reading Scripture or listening to an audio Bible. For others, it may be taking a relaxing bath or playing with your kids in the yard. Whatever resting is for you, make a list of resting things and be sure to do them routinely. Carve out and schedule rest time. Learn to balance hard work (Proverbs 31:17-19) with resting.
6) Do you unknowingly persecute Christians?
You have such a fun, bubbly personality. You’re fun to be around and most people like you right off the bat. You make friends easily and have a lot of friends, but the second one of your friends does anything wrong, anything at all that YOU deem to be wrong, you’re quick to judge and worse, quick to throw them away without so much as an explanation.
Your holier-than-thou attitude shines through and honestly, even a hint of legalism too. You’re the judge, you’re the boss, this is your life, and you don’t tolerate much.
You throw people away left and right, and end up making a lot of trouble for yourself, creating unnecessary enemies, and fighting hills that were never meant to fight. You don’t have peace in your life and have way too many enemies. But in your mind, YOU’RE the innocent one and it’s just Satan or life that is persecuting YOU because you’re a Christian.
How to fix: The truth is, you’re making problems wherever you go and this is NOT God’s will for anyone. We are called to live in peace! You’ve forgotten that GOD is the boss, not you, and He never called YOU to judge HIS people. Let things go. Let God take care of them. You focus on your own spiritual deficiencies, not the deficiencies of those around you. You’re unknowingly persecuting God’s children and they are, as a result, praying against you, and this is why you do not have peace. God is punishing you and you do not see it.
7) Do you follow the fads and go down the wrong path?
You’re constantly looking for the next big thing. The next thing that will help you get whatever it is that you’re looking to get. More money, more prestige, more friends, more, more, more.
You’re on the hunt for something. You’re looking for something. Sometimes you may not even know what it is you’re looking for, you’re just looking. You walk around aimlessly, wandering, always looking.
How to fix: There will ALWAYS be something shiny that everyone is focused on in our world. Right now, it’s Stanley Cups. Seriously, what is the appeal of them (for someone who doesn’t have one and doesn’t care to get one)? Is there gold in there or something? It’s an overpriced way to carry coffee, am I right? And you wouldn’t need that coffee if you were doing as the Lord encourages us to and taking time to rest (Hebrews 4:9-11)! 😊
If you really want the cup, by all means, get one- there’s no harm in that, but don’t make it a habit to follow the trends. Stay away from bandwagons.
Focusing on fleeting things can leave you tired, burned out, and always chasing the wrong things (which is EXACTLY what the devil WANTS you to do!) Rather, learn to recognize the fads and stay away from them. Focus on God, His kingdom (Matthew 6:33), and the longevity of things instead.
Realize that the root of your aimlessly wandering is you’re searching for satisfaction and TRUE satisfaction can ONLY come from the Lord Jesus Christ. Want to be satisfied with Him? Spend time with Him. One on one. Every day. Listen to His Word, drink Living Water, spend time at His feet in prayer. Set aside an hour a day or an entire day if you can, to spend just with Him. Your soul will thank you! 🥰
8) Do you waste your time?
You tell others how you don’t have a lot to do, how you’re bored, and are looking to meet people and connect, and that’s great. Your life is settled, and stable. But the kingdom of God needs workers and if we are just sitting there, not doing anything, not getting out there and meeting needs, establishing relationships, and just living hermit-style, it’s such a waste of time for Christ.
Few are the laborers the Bible says. The Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t sitting around all day doing nothing. She was out there, redeeming the time, working hard.
Even as I write this article, from a homeless shelter, I could sit here and say, “Oh woez me!” I could sit here and take advantage of no responsibilities, no grocery shopping, no daily life tasks, but I don’t. I’m working hard all day, whether it be on the things to put life back together or serving you on this site.
The point is, I’m not sitting still and neither should you. Yes, rest. Yes, get plenty of rest, take care of yourself. It’s a balance; we don’t want burnout either, but if we’re not actively serving for Christ, it really is such a waste.
How to fix: Find something you enjoy doing, something that lights up your soul and makes you happy. Serve there. Try it, and see if it’s a good fit. If it’s not, that’s okay, try something else, but eventually, you will find something you enjoy doing and that helps other people! You’ll be useful to the kingdom of God and you’ll be out there making friends and establishing relationships with people.
9) Do you secretly wish others will fail?
You don’t mind if others succeed, you hope they do, just not if they succeed more than you. After all, you’ve worked hard, so hard, you deserve it. You deserve to be the best, to have the nicest things, to be of the best character. You don’t care if others do well, so long as it’s not in your face. You don’t want to see it. You don’t want to hear about it. You don’t want to be reminded of it. Keep that away from you. You want to keep your mind straight – YOU’RE the best.
How to fix: I always think of what a beautiful woman is to me. It’s someone who goes around, fixing another lady’s crown in secret. Without blasting trumpets, calling attention to the mishap, but just privately, quickly, almost stealthily, adjust her crown. Instead of seeing someone’s tag being out on their shirt for example, don’t tell them to tuck it in, just gently, lovingly, tuck it in quickly yourself. Tell them it was out.
It’ll mean a lot more to them than calling it out. And definitely don’t call it out for everyone to see. You don’t need a bullhorn here. Wishing and wanting the best for others is Christ-like and it’s beautiful! Philippians 2:3.
Realize that more than one person can be at the top. I think about Moses and how he went up to meet the Lord on top of the Mountain of the Lord. He wasn’t the only one on the mountain. Aaron went up on one of the trips also to the top of the mountain (Exodus 19:24). There’s room at the top for more than just one person!
10) Does your life feel like a train station?
Your life is a mess. Someone is always coming and going and you’re running ragged. You’re so out of control and spinning, but that’s not the worst part. If you wanna have a chaotic life, that’s fine by me, but when you make everyone else’s life around you miserable with your chaos, that’s when you start to ruffle God’s feathers. He doesn’t like it when we are not being who He’s called us to be, but when we start wasting OTHER people’s time too, that’s when it gets serious.
How to fix: Look, I get it, sometimes life can be a mess, but you need systems in place. You need to get organized. You need to streamline your life. The best place to do that is to start with my Household Binder. This is the exact same step I took years ago to streamline my own crazy life. Now, it’s peaceful and calm. There are systems in place and no wasted time.
Start by streamlining your home. After that, I started streamlining my holidays. Grab the Yearly Holiday Bundle and start with one holiday at a time, till all your holidays are peaceful and calm, organized.
After that, purchase whatever binder you need and streamline that area of your life, as needed. With each binder you purchase you’ll start to feel calmer, like life isn’t a treadmill you’re running as fast as you can on, but it can be peaceful and you get REAL work done. You actually get somewhere. Start there and keep going, organizing every bit of space in your life till it’s all organized. Then, once YOUR life is organized, help those around you to organize their lives too! 😊
11) Do you stay out of the drama, but never make any REAL friends?
You know better than to get caught up in the drama so you stay completely out of it. That’s great you stay out of the drama, but you’re so neutral, you get lost and no one cares. You’ve become lukewarm. You can’t do God’s will when you take a lukewarm stand. You have to get in there and get a little messy sometimes. It’s just a part of life!
How to fix: Let people into your life. Let people get to know you. Get to know them. Stay away from consistent gossip and drama, but let people in. Connect with people, make real relationships. Help, serve, and love others and let them love you as well! ❤️
12) Do you blow people off?
You constantly blow people off and only care or respond to them if it suits YOUR purposes. You figure, in your mind, you do not have time to waste on trivial things. The problem is, everything becomes trivial if it doesn’t suit your purposes. You’re starting to develop a selfish mindset, focused first on yourself.
How to fix: Read Philippians 2:3. We need to focus on others more than ourselves. Jesus was the perfect example of this. He died for us! That is definitely thinking about others more than Himself!!
You’re also not valuing people like you should. You’re placing a higher value on other things. Realize that God’s #1 treasure on earth and in heaven is the people. It’s not money, streets of gold, fame, or anything like that. He died for what? For who? The people. THAT is what’s important to Him and if it’s important to our Father, it should be important to us as well. Value people.
13) Are you greedy but don’t realize it? – penny
Rich people get a ton of slack all the time for being greedy, but many rich people I know are SUPER generous. They didn’t get to where they are by stabbing others in the back but by being nice, treating others with value, and loving others. Some poor people are greedy also, and it’s not as prevalent to see, so I wanted to shine some light on it so that you can see if this applies to you.
You’re not a mean or bad person and you think you’re quite generous. You give when you feel like giving and you help other people. The things you give are GOOD things, not junk. Sometimes when someone is in need, you’ll give to them, depending on if you know them or if you want to. On the outside, it seems like you’re a team player, a sweet girl, a Christian.
But on the inside you’re greedy. You hoard and the reason isn’t out of mean ambitions or because you’re evil. It’s because you have a displaced sense of your situation. You react to everything out of fear of losing or not having enough.
When you’re facing financial struggles, it’s natural to feel hesitant about giving, thinking, ‘If I give this to her, then what happens if I need it later on? I won’t have it and I won’t be able to get it.’ This mindset stems from a fear of scarcity, which can keep you feeling stuck in a cycle of lack. Trusting God to provide for your needs opens the door to a heart of generosity, even in challenging seasons.
I’m definitely not saying to fake anything. To lie to yourself and say, “I’m not poor, I’m rich” and overgive yourself into homelessness, but you need to stop working off of a scarcity mentality, thinking you’ll never have enough so you don’t share what you do have.
How to fix: Make it a point to start sharing more. Maybe that’s once a week to someone. Give something you’re not in need of right now to someone who IS in need right now. Trust that if you are Christian, God WILL provide your needs (Matthew 6:25-34) and it may just be that He wants to provide someone else’s needs through YOU.
14) Is your “jerk filter” too high?
You think the whole world is bad, no one is good. So many people have failed you, misaligned you, abused you, hurt you. You get fed up with it and you just don’t have time for any people anymore, so you close yourself off to the world and don’t let anyone in. You automatically assume everyone is a jerk except you or they are out to get you. You think that if they are not a jerk yet, it’s only because they’ve not had the opportunity to and everyone you meet, WILL, eventually hurt you or disappoint you, so it’s better for you to just be by yourself.
How to fix: You are completely right in that there is not anyone truly good (Romans 3:10-12). We are all sinners, and Christians are sinners still, yet saved by grace. And yet, we are called to live in harmony with each other, treating each other better than ourselves. How can we reach the lost for Christ, how can we shape young minds, bring new salvation to the world, shine our light for Christ in a dark world, or build up and edify the saints if we are closed off to others?
Yes, life is not perfect. Yes, people will hurt us, but they also help us, and love us, and we find enjoyment in their friendships and relationships also. It’s a give-and-take. You need to realize that you, like them, are not perfect. And while there are truly an insane amount of jerks out there, there are also a lot of amazing Christians who love the Lord and are trying to be the best they can possibly be. Will they fail? Yes? But so will you. 🥰
15) Do you pretend to be good, but really, you’re just a fraud?
You’ve been through some pretty major things and skated through okay with your faith intact. You may have even found faith during that trying time, but it’s not real. It was just something you used to get through it and now that you’re done, you want to be a good person, understanding, and caring, but at the root of it, you’re still just mean. Nothing’s really changed, other than you want to put a little good into the world.
The Bible says that when we become a genuine believer, our whole lives CHANGE. EVERYTHING changes. It’s like a night and day difference. What you’re trying to do is keep the same life you had, and ADD ON Jesus, as if He’s an app you add to your phone. Sprinkle a little Jesus here and there.
I’m really sorry, but that’s not how God works. You can’t continue to be the same person and add God to your life. God BECOMES our life. Everything we are, everything we’re about, we’re completely steeped in the holiness of God. He’s not an add-on, He’s everything. The air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat. We cannot separate ourselves from Him.
People see what you’re doing; they see through it and know, but you don’t see it yourself. So your friends are limited, because they know, they see, but they’re not speaking up. You’re living your life as a fraud and you don’t even know it and that’s a hard place to be. Believe me, I’ve been there.
How to fix: Realize that you’re most likely not saved at all. You think you are, but you’re not. Try to find out how to BE saved, for real, and decide if you want to be saved, if you want to give your whole life to God or not. If you do, ask that God guide you and lead you down the path of genuinely giving your life to Him and becoming His child. ❤️
16) Do you live your life on rollerskates?
The word “hustle” has NOTHING on YOU! You work super hard and run super fast. You’re trying to get somewhere and you know the value of hard work. The problem is that all you’re doing is not strategic. You skate so fast as if on rollerskates with no brakes. To be successful, hard work is required, and you understand that, but looking back is ALSO necessary.
Once every quarter, you need to take stock, take inventory if you will, into how you’re doing and what is working and what isn’t. Without doing this, you’ll get on the wrong track and just blast it and end up in a place you don’t want to be.
Paul says to run with endurance and run hard as if trying to get the prize and we get that, but he assumes we understand how to run strategically. It is that, “running as if to get a prize” part. Because we can run to just run, but if we are not following rules and doing the steps necessary to QUALIFY for the prize, we’ll never attain it.
Strategy MUST play a part in it all.
How to fix: Stop what you’re doing right now and take stock of what you’re doing. Ask yourself questions like:
- What is working?
- What is not working?
- How can I increase my productivity?
- How can I be more successful?
- How can I do a better job or improve what I’m already doing?
- How can I streamline things more so that I get more work done in less time?
- What do I need to stop doing completely?
- What am I doing now that is not at all helping me reach my goals?
- What does GOD say to focus on? What is His will for my day?
Take the time to really go through everything consistently to track progress, weed out unhelpful things, and work on helpful things. All of this is being a Proverbs 31 woman. God asks us to be methodical in what we’re doing, to not just work hard for working hard’s sake, but to line our lives up to His plan and what He would have us to do. Not just going through the motions or running so fast, we are not reaching our full potential.
17) Do you bounce around too much?
You’re so sure you’re making the right decision at the time, but it quickly doesn’t pan out and you flip sides faster than butter melting on a hot summer day! You flop around so quickly, never really giving anything time to permeate, to work, you’re just on to the next, big thing.
Being able to pivot is a great quality to possess, but if you are continually doing it, you won’t get very far. You have to give things time to work, figure out why it’s not working and adapt, rather than scratching the whole process and moving on.
How to fix: Learn to let things simmer a bit. Not everything you do will be a big hit right away. Some things take time and that’s okay. Give them time before calling them a failure.
18) Are you in your own little world?
You run a Bible study, you have several things going on, you’re doing great for Christ, you have everything down, but you’re stuck in your own little world. Everything is the same, over time, very consistent, but you’re very closed off to newcomers. You find comfort in the predictable. The problem with this is that no one can get into your own little secret club you’ve got going on and maybe you like that. Maybe you like feeling exclusive, but Jesus never turned away the hurting.
Understandably, you can’t help everyone, you’re just one person, but others can help you too if you’d only let them in. You’re missing out on some great relationships with some really, genuinely godly people because you’re so closed off to outsiders and you don’t realize it. You don’t have time for those around you, so there’s no compassion for the hurting, no kindness for others. You’re throwing angels away and you don’t know it!
God’s intent for our life is not to be so exclusive we miss being able to serve new people He sends our way. The Christian life isn’t about living in a vacuum or playing it safe, and comfortable. He wants us to get out there and serve the world at large. To be able to be used by Him at any given notice.
How to fix: Every day you wake up, ask if there’s anything NEW He wants you to do. Anyone new you can help, get to know, or create a relationship with? Ask Him to help you stop wanting to be so comfortable all the time and to help you get out of your comfort zone more. Stretching yourself as a person is not easy, but the more you do it, the happier and freer you will feel! ❤️
19) Do you only give when someone asks?
Truly, there are so many good causes in the world to give and be generous to. So many great organizations, and so many people who need help, how do you know when and WHO to give to? And how do you know the money you give them will be spent according to God’s will, properly? There are a lot of reasons (“excuses”) that you can have for not giving, so you only give when someone asks you directly for something. It’s great that you help them when they do ask, but being generous isn’t something that we do just when we’re asked.
A generous person is generous all the time. Maybe that’s being generous with your money, maybe it’s being generous with your time to help someone, or maybe it’s being generous with physical items you have that someone else needs. There are always things you can give that will help someone else. Things that we take for granted, that others would very much appreciate having.
How to fix: Being a generous person means looking for OPPORTUNITIES to give, not just giving when someone comes to you in dire straights. We don’t live our lives in a vacuum. We go out there and look for needs, for hurting people and we help them with whatever they need help with, according to what we have. It’s about PRAYING God brings those people who need what we have to us!
Regularly, I pray that God brings people to me that I can help. It always inspires me to see that He does! Someone will come to me and ask for something, even if it’s just direction of where to go to get the help they need that I can’t provide, but it’s always something that I can help with. I may know of a resource I can share with them. Usually, I can help them myself. But either way, I’m helping people. Obviously, there’s only one me and I can only do so much, but I constantly look for people to serve and help. It’s a way of life, thinking about the needs of the people around you and it’s a beautiful way to live. There’s so much blessing, and joy and hope found in it.
You need to be balanced. You don’t want to overgive, which I have found myself doing, have balance, but DO help those that you can. Start looking around at the people around you. Does someone need something as simple as a hug today? To be validated that SOMEONE is listening to them? Does someone need a kind word? Encouragement? A resource you know about? Does someone need you to take the time to teach them something? Does someone need a little money to get by till payday? Does that single mom across the street need a light bulb changed or her leaves raked?
What can you do TODAY to help someone, no matter how big or how small? Try to do at least ONE thing, each day to help someone. Over time, it will become a lifestyle and you will begin helping and serving others and it’s absolutely beautiful!
20) Do you take advantage of people whenever you see an opportunity?
You’re a good person. You’re sweet and kind, but when you listen to other people speak, you’ll hear them talking about something and when they do, you realize that you could easily take advantage of them in a particular way. Your ears perk up and you feel a tiny sense of joy and happiness. Greed washes over you, “OH, I can take advantage of her.” It makes you feel good. It makes you feel better than the other person like you’re one up on them.
Sometimes, you even find yourself listening for ways you can take advantage of other people. Maybe you don’t actually take advantage of them, but your ears sure light up when you realize you can.
How to fix: We live in such a selfish society where everything is always about the other person. When we hear for one second that we could actually make things about us, to hold power (even in a small way) over another person, we feel a twinge of happiness and joy. We just want someone to recognize us. We love to serve, we love to be kind, but just sometimes, we want it to be about US. I get it.
But taking advantage of someone else, or thinking that you CAN take advantage of someone else is sin. It’s not treating others as we want to be treated (Luke 6:31). What you need most is someone you love to pay more attention to you. Maybe that’s your spouse, maybe it’s your children, maybe it’s a friend. Reach out to those you love and spend more time with them. Enjoy their love, enjoy that relationship. Relish in that relationship.
Spend more time with God. Drink Living Water, and spend time at His feet. Delight yourself in the Lord (Psalm 37:4). He will make you feel satisfied, loved, and full. When you are satisfied, you won’t be looking around at who you can take advantage of! Satisfy yourself with the love of Christ.
21) Do you mean what you say?
You have good intentions and I get that, but when you tell someone you’ll do something and don’t do it, you let them down. You tell people what they want to hear to stay above water, to be palatable to others, to be liked, but never really follow through on most things. For this reason, no one can really count on you.
After a while, it gets super annoying, so your friends leave and your relationships end. They feel like you’re not being honest with them and they stop trying with you.
How to fix: Start meaning what you say. Make it your goal this year to do everything you say you’ll do. Sometimes you won’t want to, but it’ll force you to take your own words more seriously. You’ll become a lot less likely to say something you don’t mean or intend to follow through on and people will begin to trust you more.
22) Are you too sweet?
You’re struggling financially, but you never tell anyone, so no one can help you. You never ask for anything, you just sit there in sweet solitude, in need. You let others walk all over you, you become a doormat. You would rather be a doormat than a jerk like many others, so you just settle for being the doormat. People take advantage of you, and you let them. You never stand up for yourself, never rock the boat, never have a voice.
Literally, everyone I meet automatically thinks I fall into this category. I have good friends who even tell me, “You’re too sweet!” I laugh. They don’t know me as well as they think they do! Yes, I’m sweet. Yes, I’m innocent like a dove, but I’m also wise like a serpent (Matthew 10:16). I know how to stand up for myself, and I don’t allow others to walk all over me. It’s just that I don’t go around, pushing my way through the crowd. I hang back. I’m sweet UNLESS I’m reviled. We are called to live in peace (Romans 12:18). But WHEN reviled, I bark. I bite if I have to to protect myself.
I’ve been abused all my life. My mom first, then my ex-husband, then other men, then…my own son. He started getting physically violent with me. Leaving bruises on my arms. Yelling, slamming doors, losing his temper, throwing things, stomping, and hurting himself out of anger (like stomping his foot and hurting his foot so he couldn’t walk properly for a couple of days, type of thing). I’m sweet so people try to harm me sometimes or take advantage of me. But I do not allow them. I tried to work it out with him for a long time. He refused to change. Guess where he lives now? Not with me! I kicked him out!! That kind of behavior is not acceptable and I won’t tolerate it.
It’s okay to be sweet, we should be sweet, but the other half of that verse is wise. It is not taking advantage of others, but rather, not letting them take advantage of YOU!
How to fix: Realize that there’s a time to be sweet and a time to STAND boldly. There’s a time to fight for your rights and a time to live in peace and harmony and it’s the wisdom from God that allows you to know which is which.
Don’t forget that there ARE people who care out there, who want to help you if you let them know you need help. You just have to make it more known. You’re too sweet, you don’t want to burden them, but at your own expense. As with everything, there needs to be a balance.
Stand up for yourself. Fight for what you believe in, just not ALL the time. Be sweet AND be wise. Allow the richness in Christ to show you the difference between the two and when one is needed and when the other is needed.
23) Do you work too much?
Your husband makes an insane amount of money, your home is paid for, and you’re just fine financially, and have a nice, healthy savings account, but you still work outside the home because you love money and want the thrill and responsibility of working. That’s totally fine. There’s no rule against working when you don’t have to in the Word of God, but it DOES show your heart. Your motivation for money. Instead of working that job, why not serve others in the name of Christ? Why not work for His purposes instead of the world’s?
How to fix: Find an outlet, a hobby, something you enjoy doing that you can serve in the kingdom of God. The laborers are few and if you’ve got extra time on your hands, awesome, make relationships, meet people, get out there and serve!
24) Do you play the sweet card when you want something?
Unlike #22, your motives are completely different. You’re like dripping honey when you want something and people know you’re just playing them. It’s like when our kids come to us all sweet and innocent. We know they want something. This is your tactic and people realize what you’re doing right off the bat and it makes people not trust you.
How to fix: Stop working an angle and just be honest. Be transparent and genuine. It may mean you don’t get your way a few times because you’ve mastered the art of manipulating others and now you won’t be doing that, but it’s not good to pretend with others. God wants us to always be genuine.
25) Are you a doormat?
You truly are sweet and kind, but you’re also afraid to rock the boat or say anything that anyone would disagree with because you want to live in peace and fly under the radar. The problem is that you never tell others how you REALLY feel, you hold it all inside. You hold your tongue so much that people take advantage of you and you become everyone’s doormat.
How to fix: Not rocking the boat is fine, but there does come a point where you have to stick up for yourself. You can’t just let everyone abuse you, misalign you, and take advantage of you. Learn that it’s okay to tell people how you’re truly feeling. If they don’t understand it, it’s okay. Not everyone will like you, and not everyone will agree with you, but your having opinions and feelings is not wrong and you have just as much right to feel the way you do as they have to feel the way they do.
26) Are you a bully and don’t know it?
You’re fierce and firm. You know exactly what you want and exactly what to do most of the time. You don’t like to play games or mess around, or even waste time so you go for what you want, full throttle and expect others to do the same. To live a life that is honest, transparent, and genuine.
The problem with that is that you sometimes come off like a snowplow, plowing over everyone in your way. You don’t mean to, it just happens and when it does happen, you’re okay with it, because you figure it’s a better way to live than to be all meek and shy and flopping around in the wind not knowing what you want.
You feel like the way YOU do things is the BEST way. While there are many ways to accomplish something, you just like your way better.
How to fix: Take note when you are snowplowing people and take into consideration their thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Even if you know you won’t agree or they are completely wrong, there’s VALUE in listening to them, to hear their side of things. You can learn and grow from seeing things from a different perspective, even if in the end, you still choose your own path. Be compassionate and loving, kind toward others. Let them have a say and realize that you’re not the only one in the room who knows what they’re doing.
27) Are you snobby?
You have so much wealth, you don’t realize there are many people out there who $25 to them, would make the difference between whether they eat or even fill up their tank with gas at the end of the month. Your life is cushy, easy, and straightforward. That’s great…help others have that same kind of life, whether you teach them how you do it or you help them financially when a need arises. HELP!
How to fix: Remember that your wealth, your treasures can be taken away from you in an instant and that your life is far more valuable than what you have in the bank account. Remember that if you do not have compassion for others, God Himself will not have compassion and forgiveness for you. Matthew 18:21-35.
28) Are you exclusive?
You are sold out to your family and everything you do is for them. That’s great. It’s fantastic, but you want to grow from there and help others too, not just be all about your own family, all exclusive-like. You don’t make friends and no one can get to you or be your friend because you’re just so exclusive.
How to fix: It’s great to be all about your family, but Jesus didn’t die for JUST your family. You have to get out there, make relationships, meet people, and serve more than just your OWN household.
29) Do you think your way is the only right way?
Of course, you know more about God than others and of course, YOU’RE doing the right things that please Him and no one else is, so you look down on everyone around you, thinking your way is the only right way. You are godly and no one else is. Anytime anyone speaks, in your mind, you automatically assume you are right and they are wrong, and no one can disagree with you because you’re convinced they’re just not as good as you.
This is pride and an abomination to God. So when you think you are pleasing Him, you’re actually NOT! He actually hates what you are doing (Proverbs 6:16-19).
How to fix: Get to know some people more in-depth. Your relationships are superficial if you think you’re better than everyone else. You cannot know what people do behind closed doors. There ARE people out there who are better and more godly than you, I promise.
30) Are you a follower?
There’s a time and a place to let someone else lead. Your husband should lead your family, for example. If you’re in church or a Bible study, you let the leader lead, but this is different. This is when you follow what all your friends say and do, even when they’re wrong. You don’t have the guts to question them (gently) or show them how you think they’re wrong (in love). You just keep quiet and follow whatever. You have no backbone. So people who have stronger personalities reign over you and sometimes even bully you and you let them.
How to fix: Realize that God is your ultimate leader and you answer to Him alone. What does HE say about the matter? Does He give His children a spirit of timidity (2 Timothy 1:7)? That doesn’t mean going around picking fights obviously (Romans 12:18). There’s a balance there, but don’t be afraid to question things. Don’t be afraid to stand up for things you feel are wrong.
31) Do you justify your sin
You think to yourself, “I’m a good, well-meaning person”, but you stab others in the back continually and justify your sin in your own mind, thinking no one’s watching, no one knows, no one cares. You lie and say it’s okay, “It’s just a little fib, I needed to. It’s easier that way. Makes it easier on everyone”. You shade the truth, you misalign other people, you don’t reveal your true motives and let others think something of you that’s not true.
When questioned, you have no remorse. “You don’t care what they think anyway, so why does it matter?” you think.
There is a judge, and one day you will stand before Him and give an account to Him for all that you’ve done to other people in your life. In the meantime, everyone stays clear of you because you’re just a jerk and they see through it.
How to fix: If you’ve grown distant or hardened, God’s love can soften your heart and bring peace. Seek Him, and let His grace renew your spirit. You can’t possibly be happy living with a hardened heart. So, change it. Become a better person. Pray to God and ask Him to forgive you and stop doing that to others. Learn to treat others as you want them to treat you. Would you want THEM to do to you what you do to them? Luke 6:31.
32) Do you only care about people who are successful and wealthy?
Follow the successful and wealthy, no problem, but there are many other people in the world who provide value who are NOT successful OR wealthy…example: JESUS CHRIST!
When He walked the earth, He was neither successful in business nor wealthy. He didn’t even have a place to lay His head. And while I’m sure His carpentry business did well, He was not a famous king on earth like King Herod, etc. He was “just” a man, the son of a carpenter. He came into the world with nothing, and yes, He left with nothing too, just as you and I will do.
How to fix: Don’t play favorites. Someone with more authority and wealth than you is not to be treated any differently than the homeless on the street. Treat everyone with love and kindness, empathy and compassion, not caring about how rich they are, what they make, where they live, or any other worldly thing you’re enticed by.
33) Are you entitled?
You get mad at people when they don’t drop what they’re doing and serve you and that’s a shame. You have to realize that everyone has something going on and the world does NOT revolve around you. They’re not doing anything wrong by not jumping up in the air to want to serve you when it’s not even a need. And they know when you’re asking them to help you, that your motives are not entirely honest and pure, so why would they help you when you’re being shady anyway?
It’s their choice whether they want to help you or not and they answer to God alone for their decision, right or wrong.
How to fix: Realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. When we focus more on serving others, we find joy and purpose in reflecting Christ’s love. Let’s ask God for opportunities to bless others and share His light.
34) Do you secretly believe gossip?
When someone says something to you, you believe their gossip. While you may not repeat it, their lies float around in your brain and it affects your friendships and your life. Stop believing rumors. there are always two sides to a story.
“A good and righteous judge fully listens to both sides of the story without partiality, then through prayer and wisdom offers a fair judgment. Anything less than that is sin”. – Sarah Titus
How to fix: You feel like you’re okay, because you’re not gossiping yourself, you’re not repeating the information and that’s great! But you need to go one step further and not lend a listening ear to it either. When someone starts gossiping, change the topic of the conversation. Don’t listen. Don’t worry about being polite. They are sinning and it’s not good to participate in their sin. If you are continually doing this and they still gossip, it’s time to put space between you and the person who is gossiping to you.
Believe me, there’s ALWAYS at least one gossip within earshot of you. Learn to put distance between you and them once you realize who it is. While it’s important to set healthy boundaries, we can also pray for those who struggle with gossip and lovingly encourage them toward a better path.
35) Do you play the victim?
Oh, my mom! When she was alive, she was ALWAYS playing the victim. It didn’t matter if she instigated someone else or not, or if she did what was wrong in the situation or not, she was ALWAYS the victim. “Feel sorry for me because I’m abused, I’m hurt, I’m offended, look what they did to me.” It was her way of getting attention. It never ceased to amaze me how much people ate that stuff up. I was around 8 years old when I realized how much attention she got all the time by playing the victim card.
Here’s the problem with playing the victim card…MORE people take advantage of you. When you tell one person someone else took advantage of you, the person you’re telling it to, sees you’re a victim and they think they can take advantage of you too! So, it becomes this never-ending cycle of a ton of people trying to cage you and it’s really all your fault for playing the victim in the first place.
Does that mean you can’t tell your closest friend about something that happened? No. Go ahead and tell them, but if it’s a habit, a pattern of your life, it’s not good and it only leads to more heartache for YOU. Yes, you may get attention, but it’s short-lived and you’ll need another “story” to tell them, more cards (victim cards) to get MORE attention.
Pretty soon, you’re in a jail you created yourself. It may get you a little bit of attention, but the Hell that you have to live through, being in that self-made jail is NOT worth it. I saw my mom’s life deteriorate for years and years and years. She ended up having only a couple of friends and just living as a hermit. In the end, she ended up killing herself.
Living with a victim mentality isn’t what God desires for us. He wants us to live in His freedom and strength, finding joy and peace in His promises.
So whatever point you’re at in this story, unless you want to end up dead because of the Hell (problems) you will bring upon yourself, get out. Get. Out. NOW!
How to fix: Realize that not everyone is out to get you and that you’re only a victim if you want to be. Bad things happen, yes. Sometimes we ARE a victim and we all get that, but this is more of a victim-mentality and you need to nip that in the bud. Otherwise, you will attract the bad in life because it’s what you think about.
Rather, think about all the positive things in your life: good friends, yummy food, amazing family, GOD! Warm and cosy bed, warm water, air conditioning. Force yourself to focus on THOSE things, the good things continually, until you can train your brain to stop having that victim mentality (Philippians 4:8). When you are a victim of something, don’t tell anyone (I’m not talking about illegal crimes here, but more like if someone offends you or something like that).
If someone offends you or says something wrong to you or even takes advantage of you, (unless it’s illegal), just keep it to yourself. Take it to the Lord. Train yourself to stop getting attention in that way and start getting attention in other ways….by doing good, by serving others, by loving others, by spending time with God and letting Him satisfy your needs, etc.
36) Do you get mad when someone doesn’t give you what you want?
There’s something you want really bad and you just get mad and write people off when they don’t give it to you. It’s pride, rebellion, and entitlement, all rolled up into one and it’s not good!
How to fix: Learn that there are other people in this world and that you can’t control them. The world doesn’t revolve around you and you must learn to become a team player if you want to make friends in life and have valuable relationships.
37) Do you need everyone to like you or you’ll just die?
You go around needing and wanting EVERYONE to like you and you don’t realize that some people just won’t and that’s okay. It’s not your fault. It could just be personality, it could just be another reason but not everyone will like you and you need to learn to be okay with that.
How to fix: We are not here on earth to be liked by everyone and you can live a sinless life and STILL be hated and murdered! Look at Jesus! He was (and always is) sinless when He walked the earth, yet still, people detested Him. We are not better than Jesus, so we cannot expect the world to love us, in fact, if they do, we’re doing something wrong! Matthew 10:22.
38) Are you so loyal, that you’d die for your friends but they wouldn’t die for you?
Having true friends is important in everyone’s life, but if you’re the one contacting them all the time, if you’re the one always pursuing the relationship, if you’re the one always sharing and helping and it’s not reciprocal, it may be time to cut the cord. Friendship is a two-way street. If you’re always the one giving and they never give back, it’s not a real friendship and they are using you. You can’t allow people to use you and it’s time to say goodbye and meet some friends who will love you back!
How to fix: “A friend loves at all times…” says Proverbs 17:17. If you’re not loving your friends at all times, there’s something wrong. You’ll want to figure out exactly WHY you’re not loving them. Did you have a bad day? Are they always complaining? Find out the root of why you’re not loving them and take care of whatever it is. If they’re always complaining, for example, take the time to encourage them when they speak. If they are consistently denying your positive ideas and glossing over them, not seeming to care, it may be time to end the friendship and stop giving them a person to complain to.
39) Do you hide your light under a bushel?
You do amazing things and you have a lot of skill, but you’re not confident in your abilities and so you hide it…from everyone! You don’t want people to know what you do because you don’t want them to try to take advantage of you and you don’t want to serve them (for free, with your work). You don’t let people get to know you, maybe because of abuse or mistreatment in your past so you close up as a protection mechanism.
How to fix: You can shine your light and be who you are and STILL not let anyone take advantage of you. Don’t be afraid to be who you are, who God created you to be. Get out there, shine your light, and don’t worry about it. If people try to scam you or take advantage of you, politely decline and do not let them. After some time, you’ll be able to stand up for yourself and be okay. 😊
40) Do you think you already ARE generous?
You gave paper bags to someone who needed them six months ago in a gifting group, so you’re basically good for another year, right? It’s not really funny when it’s truly how some people think.
Every single day, if you’re not actively being generous to someone outside of your family, in one way or another, you’re not being generous ENOUGH. Period.
You won’t find someone to be generous TO every day and that’s okay, it’s the heart motive that you WANT TO. You want to help others, you seek to offer help to whoever you can, whenever you can for whatever you can.
It’s not about going around checking off some list for the day, but it is about a real, genuine, heart motive that wants to be generous and help others. To put out some good in the world, when the world is so nasty and negative everywhere you go.
How to fix: Start making it your mission to give more. Look for opportunities with the people you meet, your friends, your neighbors, and the world at large every single day and figure out how you can be more generous. It may be lending a hand to someone who needs help or it might be as simple as praying for someone you know needs help but you can’t do anything to help them. Then pray that God brings to you those who are in need that you can help and watch Him allow you to grow in this way!
41) Are you prideful?
When you read those words, you think to yourself, “Man, I know a few people who need to read this list!” You fail to realize that YOU need it too. Listen, we are ALL sinners saved by grace and no none, not one person is exempt from sin or pride. If you weren’t prideful, you’d see that right off the bat without having to be told. 😊
Pride rears its ugly head and shows up in a myriad of ways. It shows up in rebellion, stubbornness, and a lack of willingness to obey the Lord. It shows up in thinking you’re better than someone else or knowing more about them or the situation than you really do. Pride puffs people up, it’s arrogance, it’s self-seeking, it’s a “me-centered” mentality.
How to fix: First, you have to WANT to change. If you’re hesitant to change, figure out why. Oftentimes, people really LIKE the superior feeling they get by being prideful. Is that feeling worth knowing you’re doing something God despises? Proverbs 6:16-19 (vs. 17), James 4:6.
42) Are you judging others in a sinful way?
There’s a time and place to think about the things others are doing, so that we are not pulled into their sin and chaos, but there are some people who go around judging everything and thinking they have all the answers, yet know nothing of the other person’s situation.
Just this week I was told that because I don’t have any kids, I’m bored and have nothing to do.
This person doesn’t know me at ALL and that’s okay. I get it. They don’t know that God Himself calls me the standard of the Proverbs 31 woman. They don’t know that I am currently working not one, but TWO full-time jobs as I write this and having kids around or not has nothing to do with whether a person works hard or not.
Here’s what I want to say, for the woman who ONLY takes care of her children, it’s not enough. The Proverbs 31 woman was doing way more than JUST that!!! And we are called to be like her, to pattern our life after her. Taking care of your own kids and your own home is cake. It’s ABC. There’s way more that EVERY woman is CALLED (required by our Lord) to do than JUST that. Yes, it’s hard work, and I’ve raised my kids and taken care of my home, so I understand, but while I was raising kids and taking care of my home, AS A SINGLE MOM mind you, I was STILL doing way more.
How to fix: We cannot simply decide that we understand what other people are doing behind closed doors, nor can we pretend we have them figured out when we don’t even know them at all. We must focus on OURSELVES, our own sin, our own walks with the Lord, our own work, and leave THEIR work, to the Lord. Why? They alone answer to God, not to us.
