Dogs indeed are man’s best friend. Their only fault is that they leave us far too soon. Every canine out there is a good dog whose worst feature is that we have to say goodbye to them one day.
Owners of puppies and dogs long in the tooth avoid these movies at all costs. They might start sweet, but they turn out to be unmitigated bummers.
Warning: This article contains spoilers!
1. My Dog Skip (2000)
The first ballot Hall of Fame pick for dog movies to avoid is My Dog Skip. Not only is the plot meant to inflict maximum pain on dog owners, but seeing a pre-pubescent Frankie Muniz will make you feel old. But mostly, the plot is a real downer.
2. Marley & Me (2008)
Even Owen Wilson, in his prime, couldn’t out-goofy the ending to Marley & Me. Those who read the best-selling novel that preceded the film still went to see this movie knowing that they’d need a Shop-Vac to suck up the tears.
Sadists, I tell ya.
3. Best in Show (2000)
While Best in Show won’t make you cry the Marley & Me-style, my-dog-just-died tears, it will make you question whether you want to own a dog at all. After all, how could you stand being affiliated with the motley crew of deranged dog owners featured in this legendary comedy?
“Where is busy bee?!!”
4. I Am Legend (2007)
While I Am Legend is far from the traditional dog film, in a movie carried largely by two main characters, the dog has a central role. However, like so many dogs who make cameos on the silver screen, the charismatic German Shepherd in I Am Legend suffers an unceremonious exit.
5. Turner & Hooch (1989)
Surely a movie starring Tom Hanks wouldn’t do us dirty, right? To the viewer’s credit, we hadn’t yet seen Hanks in emotionally provocative movies like Cast Away and Captain Phillips, so we trusted that he’d keep up his safe, moderately humorous leading man schtick.
And for the most part, Hanks played his role. Hooch, on the other hand, messed around and got himself shot. This goes to show you never bring your dog to the office (at least if you’re a cop).
6. Old Yeller (1957)
Old Yeller proves that you don’t need CGI or blockbuster budgets to make dog owners utterly depressed. The classic tale of boy-dog bonding from Disney paved the way for an endless slate of subsequent films where man meets dog, man loves dog, and man loses dog.
7. Hachi: A Dog’s Tale (2009)
The movie Hachi: A Dog’s Tale presents a rare, loathsome two-for-one offer to moviegoers. Not only do you get to see the dog pass away, but you get to see the dog owner meet his end, too!
Seriously, skip this otherwise delightful film if you care about your dog or your human relatives…really if you care about anything.
8. Badlands (1973)
Badlands is a high-quality action flick that stands up remarkably well based on its 1973 release date. However, there is a scene where the main character’s father decides to discipline his daughter (played by Sissy Spacek) by disciplining the dog. It’s a classic cover-your-eyes moment for any dog owner and one that you might assume to skip altogether.
9. All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989)
Forgive me, but the assertion that all dogs go to heaven isn’t providing much solace now that you’ve reminded me my dog is going to die way sooner than I’d like.
Nice try, though.
10. Eight Below (2006)
You weren’t the only one if you skipped the Paul Walker-led Eight Below. You may have sensed that, like so many filmmakers that put dogs front and center in their movie trailer, you were being set up for a bait and switch where the dogs start dropping like flies before the credits roll.
With Eight Below, you’d have guessed right.
11. Where The Red Fern Grows (2003)
Where the Red Fern Grows is a timeless book-turned-movie about a boy’s love for outdoor adventures with his dogs in the Ozark Mountains. The story is sweet and touching. But if you’re a dog lover, the ending is gut-wrenching as the name of the book-turned-movie is after the red fern that grows on top of the boy’s beloved dog’s grave.
12. Lassie (2005)
By now, most people associate the name “Lassie” with the iconic collie. Lassie, the movie, has sentimental value for families and their beloved dogs. Lots of families are faced with hardships or big life changes where they are forced to get rid of their pets. It can be a sad part of owning a pet.
Well, we warned you. If you love dogs, you should probably skip these flicks.
